I'm an asshole...at least sometimes. I yelled at a nice person today. I get annoyed when things don't go my way. When multiple things don't go my way I get more so. I'm sure you can relate. So what went wrong tonight to turn me into a schmuck on wheels, cursing at nice people in Waffle Houses? Hmmm...a bunch of little things that seem small and petty in retrospect, but at the time were really fucking annoying. I'd offered to pick-up dinner because the Ex is broke since she's having to move into a new place. My offer was accepted, or so I thought. I got there first and picked a table so we could all sit together and be able to talk amongst ourselves, but that wasn't good enough, so I moved to where I was feeling cut off from the grown-up conversation. I get the feeling that the nice lady is under the impression that I'm trying to drive a wedge between the Ex and her new BF & so is taking steps to keep me at arm's length - probably my imagination & if I somehow am correct pretty damn far off the mark. The cherry on top tho was when I was told I couldn't pay for the dinner and then chuckled at for insisting again that I be allowed to do so. Then the handle, she flew off. I'm sure I'll be told none of this happened the way it seemed and that I'm just being irrational...of course, by all accounts I haven't been correct for years, so why should I start now. Regardless, I made a spectacle of myself. I apologized after being scolded like a little boy (which I deserved), but I'm pretty sure there'll be hurt feelings for a while over my outburst.
In the end I find myself asking "Is it too much to ask to let me get my way every once and a while? Why does it seem like I'm always the one who has to back down or give in?" I probably do get it my way more often that I realize, at least from another person's perspective, but it damn well doesn't feel that way to me most days.
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You were forgiven and no hard feels were left. Please forgive yourself too. Things pile up that is understandable. No malice was meant, just physical comfort for a history of reasons. Seating choices seemed to by made by the kids not the adults; something that should be addressed in the future. Joint offers were made but there was no calm conversation to rectify the impasse, but in the end dinner was paid for. Please speak up in the future you do matter. You are still forgiven, no harm done.
ReplyDeleteI fear I may have contributed, unwittingly, to the situation.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in a different time, and my father held old world beliefs on a number of things. When I ask folks out or over to dinner, I do so with the full expectation that I will be picking up the check (hence the similar issue, sans handle flying off at Mellow Mushroom).
This behavior has infected my bride of 20+ years (and I'm proud of that fact).
I suppose I should modify this behavior/habit to adapt to the times. That change will take me some time, and I apologize if it caused you distress.
On a different subject, you're a good man. I certainly don't think of you as a doormat.
No definitely not a door mat... now maybe a bath mat, you know with those suction cups and people peeing on you in the shower. Definitely not a door mat though.
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